Earlier this week, I came across a post by user “Mustbecrazy” in the LDD Forums that really interested me. She wrote about a recent personal experience of hers and I was so impressed by it that I asked for her permission to make it into a featured LDD blog post.
This obviously isn’t something I do often (in fact, I think this is the first time I’ve ever done something like this), but I really felt a lot of people could learn from her experience. Graciously “Mustbecrazy” granted me permission to feature her forum post here on the LDD blog, which I’m very thankful for. A big personal thank you goes out to “Mustbecrazy” for allowing me to share her personal experience with so many others living the domestic discipline lifestyle.
Rather than ruin it by explaining what it’s about, I’ll simply let her post do the talking. The following was written entirely by “Mustbecrazy” in the LDD Forums. It contains no modifications, changes, or alterations whatsoever.
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Hi everyone,
Well we’re in to our fourth month of dd and things are going really well.
We are both settling in to our roles and seem to understand each others needs so much better.
But something new happened here at the weekend. My hubs started his own research. Up to now I was doing the research and would then email him relevant things. This was working really good but I had the feeling that my hubs was relying on me to much for information and I had been telling him to do some research by himself. Omg be very careful what you wish for.
He came home on Friday and told me will be having a long chat tonight and that things are going to change round here. I had no ideas what he was going to do. Well after the kids went to bed we sat down and he started. He was angry as he told me, when he was researching he has come across some information which he thought was important and he wanted to know why I hadn’t been emailing these things to him. That these were very important and he felt I had been keeping it from him on purpose.
We talked about all the stuff he had and it made me realise how much I had been controlling our dd life by just giving him the information I wanted him to have and keeping some stuff to myself. One of his main concerns was that I hadn’t been telling him the importance of maintanace and reminder spankings and about corner time also. About what ideas are behind these and how they should be conducted.
He wanted to know why I had done that and to be honest I had to tell him the truth and said that I was scared and didn’t want such a strict routine. He was very disappointed and I got a very long lecture. It made me feel awful. Why was I keeping things from him?
I realise now that it had to do with control and how I am finding it hard to let go. Now he is very strict and I do get in trouble more than most of the people I have been reading about. But this is ok as we agreed only the best will do and only strict and consistent will work for us. But this was one last area I had control over ( yes control freak) and I was enjoying it.
Well it all changed. After we had our talk he asked what I think he should do as a HOH in this situation and again I had to be truthful and told him if I were the HOH I would punish for deceit and lying and control issues.
Well guess what I did get a heck of a punishment. And then the next morning I got a reminder before I was even out of bed. I got another major punishment last night as he thought he was not over the fact and felt like he needed to deal with it still. I was sent to the corner with my pants down at my ankles as well before and after the spanking it was horrible and humbling.
He has forgiven me and says he sort of understands and as HOH he should have researched earlier and not depended on me. Now we have our rules written down. All on paper with exact definition of what each rule entails and consequences involved. I have to memorise it and he will question me. If I don’t get it right I will be punished.
I know this sounds harsh but I realise what I did was wrong on many levels. I was being dishonest and not helpful to our relationship. I deserved my punishment and even though I have an extremely sore bum I know he loves me and wants the best for me and for us. What i did was wrong. Dd will only work if both parties are being open and honest and respect each other and I hope I have learnt my lesson.
Have you ever wished your HOH would do more research and then get punished when they do? Have you ever kept parts of dd to yourself hoping HOH will not use it with you? Sorry to ask just wondered if this is a feeling others have gone through at the beginning or is it just me.
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Her post touches on something that, at least from my perspective, appears to be more common within the domestic discipline community than I think anyone would care to admit. There have been several comments left on this website (primarily on the old LDD blogspot site) from DD wives that enjoy any given post, but willingly state that they’re not going to have their husbands read it.
Why is that?
Well, I think “Mustbecrazy” gives a transparent glimpse into the thought process of a DD wife when it comes to this situation. She stated in her post that her personal reasons for keeping potentially helpful information from her husband were her being “scared” and not wanting “such a strict routine.” The scared part is completely understandable. If I were a DD wife, I wouldn’t want to pass along information to my HoH that could (and probably would) literally put my rear end on the line, either.
But is that the spirit of living a domestic discipline lifestyle?
Not wanting “such a strict routine” is understandable as well. Maybe an HoH has consistency issues, or doesn’t know how to appropriately handle certain situations, which affords the wife a little wiggle room when it comes to abiding by the rules of the home and marriage. Perhaps a wife has found a loophole in the routine that they don’t want to lose. They have “control” over what their HoH reads, fully knowing that he doesn’t have the time to research things himself. Even though a wife has found a potential solution to any given issue in the marriage, the wife chooses not to share that solution with her husband for fear of losing that “control” or that “loophole.”
What about that? Is that the spirit of living the domestic discipline lifestyle? Isn’t consistency what we all want?
I’m the HoH to one woman and one woman only, and that’s my wife. As such, I’m not going to go on some big spiel about this, and I’m not going to “lecture” thousands of readers. I’m posting this to get people, particularly DD wives, thinking about what it really means to live the domestic discipline lifestyle. I don’t think there is anything to add that would contribute to the message in the forum post from “Mustbecrazy.” Let’s just say I understand how her husband felt/feels.
Another thing I found particularly interesting about this forum post is the part where “Mustbecrazy” said her husband asked her what she would do about this situation if she were the HoH. Sometimes the best way to see the point of view of your spouse is to put yourself squarely in their shoes. If you’re a DD wife reading this, what would you do in this situation if you were the HoH? How would you handle things? Would you be disappointed/hurt/annoyed/frustrated if your spouse didn’t share information that would have helped your marriage immensely?
This forum post, in my opinion, is superb. There’s so much more I could say about it, or elaborate on, but this post is getting a little lengthy so I’ll wrap things up. I understand this post may make some of you feel bad, or feel like a bad spouse, but I assure you that was not my intent. I simply felt that a lot of readers could learn from “Mustbecrazy’s” experience, and it’s a situation that, in the end, can really have an impact on a marriage, for better or for worse. It’s something for us all to think about, no question.
You can find this forum thread by clicking here (must be a member of the forums). If you’d like to join the forums, you can do so by clicking “Register” in the top left-hand corner of this page. The LDD Forums are free to join. Also, please feel free to leave your thoughts, opinions, experiences, etc. in the comment section below. I’d imagine “Mustbecrazy” would welcome and appreciate all comments.
– Clint
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