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Domestic discipline relationships can fall off track, or become off balance, for a number of different reasons. Life events (having a baby, moving, family stresses, job changes just to name a few) are often the biggest reason, but other reasons can include inconsistency for extended periods of time or distance domestic discipline.
Regardless of the reason, getting back on track with domestic discipline can be challenging. In our book Consistently Inconsistent we identify several reasons that inconsistency can occur, and how to prevent it from happening, or dealing with it when it does. However, what we’re going to look at today is once the consistency is put back together, how do you go about jump starting domestic discipline again?
Below are five tips to help you get back on track.
- Communicate, communicate, communicate. It’s the answer I feel like we give to almost every domestic discipline situation, but it’s true. A large part of domestic discipline is about communication, and the same goes with jump starting domestic discipline again. Often times just sitting down with your partner and having a simple, “hey babe, I’d really like us to focus more on domestic discipline in our relationship” talk can do wonders. It lets your partner know you’re serious about this, it’s important to you, and you want it. You never know, he/she may be feeling the same way as well. Sometimes simply talking about it is all it takes.
- Start from square one. Depending on how long your relationship has been off track, sometimes starting with the basics is the best way to go. With this approach, it requires couples to essentially start completely over with the rules, consequences, and wipe the slate clean. Make sure to identify which issues were present in your previous version of domestic discipline that you both feel made things more challenging for you both and try to leave those out with the new version. On the flip side, be sure to carry over anything that you did feel was helpful in making domestic discipline successful. With this approach, we find it is best to start a domestic discipline binder (more on this coming in the upcoming weeks!), and also dedicate a weekend afternoon (or something similar, whenever you have time) to sitting down and reworking it together.
- Ease back in slowly. Be cautious not to jump back into domestic discipline full force, as often times what happens is it tends to fizzle out after a few days, or weeks. Ease in slowly to begin reincorporating domestic discipline. For example, if you previously had 15 rules, try starting with 4 or 5 and working your way up from there. The same goes with consequences. Just don’t be in a hurry to rush back into domestic discipline.
- Identify what went wrong. This could maybe be considered step 2, actually (behind communicating) but it’s important to do at some point, regardless of when. Make sure the two of you sit down and look at what caused domestic discipline to get off track in the first place. Doing this will help to prevent it from occurring in the future, or allow you to devise a plan for if it does. This also goes hand in hand with communicating to your partner about what you feel caused it to fall off balance, and different ways it can be prevented. Just be cautious not to turn this into a “blame game” style of argument.
- Consider boot camp. And finally, as a last resort, consider a version (either the beginner version, standard version, or one day version) of domestic discipline boot camp. Boot camp can be very beneficial in helping a couple to “reset” and get back on track with domestic discipline after an extended period away, and can help both couples to reaffirm their roles, and commitment to the lifestyle.
If your domestic discipline relationship has ever fallen off balance, we’d love to hear what methods you used to help get things back on track. Sharing what has worked for you may help other couples as well, so please don’t hesitate to do so.
We’ll see you tomorrow as we meet another one of our guest columnists, Rachel.
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