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Since the launch of Learning Domestic Discipline back in 2011 we have over 250 articles on a variety of domestic discipline topics. However, one of the popular topics that we haven’t discussed much (until now!) is the topic of domestic discipline while pregnant. This is a topic that we get asked about a lot, but for one reason or another, haven’t included it as part of our blog until now.
First, let us say that this post (like all posts on our blog) is simply a recommendation, and these are just our thoughts, opinions, and suggestions as to how to practice domestic discipline while pregnant. We strongly encourage each couple to make the best decisions for their relationship and, should they choose to, use the advice below as a template to help guide them in their decision process. The below opinions, thoughts, and advice is not meant to substitute for any doctor opinion when it comes to the topic of domestic discipline while pregnant. We understand this is a controversial topic, and we are presenting it here because we think it will help a lot of people who are in this, or will be in this, situation. With that being said, below are our thoughts.
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We’ve said it before on our blog, but we’ll say it again — domestic discipline is a lifelong commitment. It is not something that can easily be turned off/on. So, with that being said, when a couple first chooses to adopt the domestic discipline lifestyle into their relationship, they may start to ask themselves how it will work with their future life plans. If one partner is military, how will domestic discipline work when that partner is deployed? If moving is in the plans for the future, how will domestic discipline work in the midst of all the chaos? What about living with family, or a roommate? What about domestic discipline with children around — how do we make that work? Or, before we even get to having children around, what about domestic discipline when the woman is pregnant?
Practicing domestic discipline while pregnant is much more difficult than domestic discipline under normal circumstances. However, it can be done and we recommend couples do not stop the domestic discipline lifestyle when a couple becomes pregnant (but we do recommend they make several modifications).
We don’t recommend stopping the lifestyle all together for several reasons:
- It can be hard to start back up when the couple is ready. Several couples who have started/stopped the lifestyle over the years find that it’s really difficult to “pick back up where they left off” without some form of challenges whether that be consistency, starting over with the rules, etc.
- If the submissive partner knows that the rules/consequences aren’t there anymore, it can be frustrating for the HOH to watch them slip back into old behaviors that, at one point, may have caused them to begin domestic discipline in the first place.
- It can add conflict and stress to the relationship.
Note: The above list is solely focusing on why we do not recommend stopping/starting the lifestyle during pregnancy only. Obviously, in other circumstances such as one partner not feeling like domestic discipline is working for them anymore, etc., we recommend couples explore the idea of stopping domestic discipline if they feel it isn’t helping or enhancing their relationship.
However, as we stated above, we strongly recommend that several modifications be made to the lifestyle throughout the pregnancy. The below list of modifications is made based upon the assumption that the submissive partner is the female in the relationship who is pregnant. If the couple practices an FLR (female-led relationship) style of domestic discipline, then the below modifications wouldn’t necessarily apply to them.
- Remove spanking as a consequence. (More about this below)
- We recommend that the HOH be more lenient on the submissive partner than usual. Make a mental list of offenses that you absolutely can’t tolerate, whether she is pregnant or not (such as safety related offenses) and then another list of rules that you had in your relationship prior to the pregnancy that you can set aside, or not be as strict with, during the pregnancy.
- Domestic discipline should never be the focus of your relationship. It’s meant to be a relationship tool that helps your relationship. So, it’s important (especially during pregnancy) to not stress about domestic discipline or how this is all going to fit together. Focus on your baby, your health, etc. and let domestic discipline only come up when it’s needed (i.e.- when a rule is broken).
Spanking During Pregnancy
For most domestic discipline couples (but not all), spanking is a consequence that they implement into their relationship. The topic of spanking during pregnancy has became very controversial over the years. Some will say that they spanked throughout their whole pregnancy and everything was fine. Others have even asked their doctor who indicated it was fine as well. But, then there are some who are not comfortable with it, or say they, too, have asked their doctor or researched it online and have found it is not a safe option. So, like most things in pregnancy, the questions of “is it safe?” and “should we do it?” naturally arise quite frequently.
We don’t recommend spanking, or doing any physical punishments, while pregnant. While it might be true that it is safe for both the expectant mother, and the baby, to us it is not worth taking that risk. We don’t recommend doing anything (while pregnant, or not pregnant) that could have a safety risk, such as this, even remotely close to being associated with it. Aside from the safety aspect, it can also be pretty uncomfortable for the submissive partner which is not the point of domestic discipline.
In place of spanking, we recommend alternate punishments be used when severe rules are broken. Obviously these punishments may not have the same severity level as a spanking would, so we recommend that the HOH take that into consideration. Some examples of alternate punishments are:
- Removing Privileges/Grounding
- Corner Time
- Bedroom Time
- Writing Lines
- Apology Letters/Journal Entries
If a couple does choose to use spanking while pregnant, that’s their choice and we respect that. The above are just our recommendations and viewpoints on the subject. However, if a couple does choose to spank while pregnant we recommend the following tips as to avoid the potential risks that spanking while pregnant can cause:
- Use less dense implements (or, no implements at all) such as a wooden spoon, tilt wand, light hairbrush, spatula, etc. and avoid the use of denser objects such as a paddle.
- Be cautious of the position that you choose to spank in, and make sure that there is not too much pressure placed on the submissive partner’s stomach.
- Avoid spanking late in the third trimester (or, choose to avoid severe spankings late in the third trimester) as it can cause the submissive partner’s blood pressure to rise, which can trigger labor.
Once again, these are just our opinions and recommendations on domestic discipline while pregnant. We encourage each couple to evaluate their own situation and do what’s best for them and their relationship.
We’d love to hear your thoughts on the topic as well. Feel free to contact us by clicking here, or leave a comment below.
Have a great week, everyone!
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